All of the nights spent up past midnight feverishly typing away on one of a million hundred papers I have to write for school. All of the days spent worrying about said papers and assignments while simultaneously attempting to be the most present mama to my two children everyday. All of the days I feel this. close. to failure. Well, it caught up with me.
Tuesday night after midnight I finished up a paper and went to bed. I felt a sharp pain in my right breast when I stood up from my chair, but just attributed it to sitting for hours. I stretched out next to Lu in bed and settled in for some much needed slumber. All of a sudden, I felt the strangest chill sensation on the back of my neck. I thought it was bizarre since there was no reason for me to be cold. Then it hit. I started violently and uncontrollably shivering. Never experienced anything like it. After twenty excruciating minutes and it still hadn't subsided I decided to wake my husband. He googled for similar symptoms, but the results were so scattered and inconclusive. I was just left their in pain. The many causes (thanks Google, you're usually so reliable) terrorizing my thoughts. Dehydration? I drank the same amount of water that I do every day. And I drank a ton more after I read that. Thyroid issues? This one really f*cked with me because I recently said sayonara to soy milk after I read how it can cause hyperthyroidism (more on that another day). Was I experiencing detox symptoms from soy milk? I literally was curled up in a ball, shaking, in intense pain, like I was detoxing from heavy drugs (no, I do not do drugs). Graves Disease? What the hell was happening to me? Oh, and the good news finally... F O U R hours later it stopped. I awoke the next morning in complete shock from what happened. Honestly, I didn't know if I'd wake up. My whole body was exhausted from shaking so intensely all night and there was a jarring pain in my right breast. Somehow, I managed to get in the shower but was attacked by waves of nausea and dizziness. I went back to bed. And then I didn't move all day. My hubbee worked from home and tended to the kids. Later in the morning, I was able to drag myself into the shower and discovered a lump in my right breast. Breast cancer?!?! I got out and asked my husband to come upstairs. I unleashed all of my fears on him and he held me as I sobbed. I tried to call my doctor, but the office had just closed. I got on the internet to research some more and just chanced upon this terrific article and all of my questions were answered. It was mastitis! A condition caused by a clogged milk duct that can cause a bacterial infection in the breast. All of the symptoms matched what I was experiencing. High fever, body aches, nausea, fatigue, and headache -- ALL of them right there in writing affirming that what I was feeling was indeed not that serious. Literally, I was jumping for joy even though I was still in a lot of pain. And why did this happen to me? Isn't this something that happens in the first months of breastfeeding. I've been nursing Lu for 17 wonderful and healthy months without incidence. Well, it turns out it can happen and especially in the age bracket of women 30-34. Yep, I'm 33. And the other culprit... periods of S T R E S S! Hello! That's my life right now. So I have officially made myself sick with all of the pressure I've been putting myself under. Way to go, Katy.
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| A random photo of Lu nursing |
Well, I took the hint and slept the whole day. Even though I was still plagued with the symptoms, I could at least find assurance in knowing what was happening to my body. So I rested. Only waking every couple of hours when Joe brought Lucia up to nurse. Breastfeeding with mastitis doesn't hurt the baby and in fact actually treats the condition. So, thank you, Lu for making mommy better. I ended up sleeping a lot today, too. Now I'm finally on the mend and realizing that I'm up after midnight again (the homework never ceases) so I'd better sign off and get some sleep. I'm still healing. Happy to be okay. Alive. And given a friendly reminder to never take this L I F E for granted. It can change in an instant.
If you're a breastfeeding mama, read more about mastitis here. I never thought it could happen to me and it did.