Well, hello there. We've been back from our trip for a week now, but I've been at a loss of words ever since. A post with all of our fabulous vacation photos has just been sitting in my drafts (those will come later), but I felt like there was just so much more to say about our trip yet I couldn't muster the courage to write about it. I'm a bit melancholy over the end of summer. Kam returned to school right after we got back so there wasn't much of an adjustment period (on top of that I started my online courses yesterday). I think we're all still grieving over the loss of slow mornings and grand adventures. The hubbee is still in Texas for another month so perhaps I'm also overwhelmed by being a single parent. Any of these are logical reasons behind my fog, but truth be told what's holding me back is myself. I used our road trip as an opportunity to reevaluate my goals and grow my spirituality. The open road did give me a clearer vision of what I imagine my life looking like. I have so many new ideals to incorporate into my life, but I freeze when I try to wrap my mind around it all. The hump that I can't seem to get over is living with intention instead of from habit. I see where I'm meant to be, I just don't know how to reach her. For so long I've been living in survival mode. That's no way to live though. I want to thrive in my life. I feel like I need to molt in order to shed my habitual behaviors and grow. I yearn for a blank slate. But that is not realistic. Although, I am desperate for living out MY PURPOSE what I'm beginning to realize is that my purpose is already unfolding just as He planned. It's not my job to revamp my life. He is already doing that for me at His pace. I am not meant to be a perfect version of myself overnight. He has already imagined my life for me and my only obligation is too show up in the present and do my best at living it to the fullest. I must make peace with the fact that my life exists just as it should. Yes, it may take me longer than I'd like to get my thoughts together when I have two kiddos still in high demand of my attention, but this is just a season of my life. It will pass and I need to cherish it as it is now. NOW is what I've been longing for all along. He has placed His grace right before me and I was just blind to it because my mind was elsewhere. I was lost in my choices yesterday and my answers tomorrow. Right here, right now in the center of it is where intention resides. This is where I was meant to be all along. Amidst the chaos is where my serenity awaits. Somewhere in between the toys strewn on the floor and that pile of dishes that's haunting me is where my resolve lies. These are my answered prayers.
This was just write.
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